“Confidence, like other great qualities, is a habit. It’s what you repeatedly do, over and over, that makes you appear confident. But not only will dating be easier when you strip away some of your stress and anxiety, but in the process, you yourself will become even more of a person that other people want to be around, maybe even date. But there are things you can do to stop the miserable cycle that you have found yourself in.”
No one ever said that dating and relationships were easy. If they were you probably wouldn’t be reading this article. Still, I think that we all tend to make this business of trying to find love harder than it has to be. We over-analyze, we obsess, we nitpick, we get jealous.
Here’s a radical dating strategy: just chill the fuck out. If everyone relaxed about a handful of things, plenty of the stress and drama that goes hand in hand with courtship could be eliminated. Then we might all enjoy dating more, and could redirect our leftover attention to more valuable things, like the government shutdown or global warming or if your roommate knows you borrowed her blender to make adult slushies last weekend. Here are the top six things you should never worry about again.
1. Your “Number”: Or, for that matter, anyone’s number. No one on God’s green earth needs to know how many people you’ve slept with, because it’s none of their damn business. The amount of people you have, or haven’t had sex with, reflects exactly nothing about your character, and thinking it’s some kind of metric of how worthy a human being you are is outdated and gross. If you’re the kind of person that likes to keep a secret coded chart of everyone you’ve hooked up with for your memoirs or whatever, then go for it. But feeling bad about yourself because you think you’ve been with too many or too few people is a waste of your precious energy.
“Marriage is not easy. Unfortunately, even couples with the best intentions can end up in divorce court. There may appear to be several reasons that contribute to a couple’s decision to separate, but typically the common thread is the inability to effectively communication and a lack of conflict resolution skills. When a person has a valid reason to divorce, he or she knows when to go through the process. Before you consider the divorce, speak to an experienced family law and divorce attorney to discuss your case and options.”
Understanding the reasons for divorce requires you to suspend any preconceived notions about why they happen. Many people mistakenly believe that most marriages end almost exclusively because of infidelity.
While this certainly is a major factor, the decision to terminate a marriage is much more complicated. According to a variety of marriage related studies, there are a number of other causes that may surprise you.
After doing considerable research on this topic, the relationship experts at the Couples Counseling Center are ready to present our top 10 list of reasons for divorce. The information listed here comes from different forms of scientific research, combined with input from counselors and therapists who specialize in marriage therapy.
“It’s difficult to address the subject of casual sex. Sexual intercourse means different things to different people. If you were to just walk up to a woman and ask her if she is the type to have sex on the first date, what do you think her response would be? No? You got it. Most women will tell you right off the bat that sex on a first date is NOT going to happen. If you think that means that it is totally out of the question and that you CANNOT have sex on a first date with a woman, think again.”
Along with not wearing white after Labor Day (seriously?) and waiting for a guy to ask you out (eff that), you can add “Don’t have sex on a first date” to the list of rules that are now considered one hundred percent outdated.
We used to think that falling into bed with someone too soon would disqualify you from being considered girlfriend material. But welcome to 2013, when the world is a lot less sexist than it used to be.
“In this day and age, more people recognize sex as an important component of a successful relationship, not something to be ashamed of,” says Justin Lehmiller, PhD, a social psychologist at Harvard who studies relationships and sexuality. “For those people, it’s important to establish sexual compatibility early on, and having sex on the first date may be the right move for them.”
Ultimately, getting nekkid with some dude you’ve known for only 2.5 hours may not be your thing, and that’s fine too. The point is that hard-and-fast dating rules (like “No sex till date three”) and old-fashioned expressions like the vile “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” are antiquated and harmful—they produce all this unnecessary anxiety and shame about something normal and natural: dating and sex.
“If you take control from the beginning, your destiny is in your hands. You really do have the power to choose who falls in love with you, so pick well. Third dates are special. They’re the transition from casual dating to a budding relationship. Learn how to make the best out of what is arguably the most important date of any early relationship. Use these third date tips and ideas, and you’ll definitely have a memorable, fun and romantic start to a perfect romance.”
And That’s Why You’re Single
Alot has been written about the first date. How to dress, how to act, how to pretend that you’re a decent guy. The truth? That’s the easy part. On the first and second dates, you’re still coasting on the initial rush of attraction, the exchange of backstory, the spark of the unknown. Date Three brings something else entirely: reality. And there are many ways to botch it.
Avoid these 10 Third Date Blunders:
YOU SERVE A LIQUID DIET
During a first date, drinks are hard to beat. Neither party is locked into the rigid structure of a sit-down dinner, so, happily, you can bail at your convenience. (And save a hundred bucks.) As a second date, drinks are still acceptable, providing you mix up the venue and show a bit of range. As a third date, drinks suggest three things: 1) you are cheap; 2) you are boring; 3) you are an alcoholic.
“Many women often consider getting a marital separation when they’re unsure if they really want to file for a divorce. Protecting yourself from financial harm and having ready access to the financial resources you may need during your divorce is important. If you’re getting divorced or dissolving your civil partnership you may have to act quickly to protect your finances, especially if the break-up is acrimonious. You may not need to take all the steps outlined below, but it’s important that you know your rights and responsibilities.”
Nobody wants to plan for a divorce, but it is vital to protect yourself in the event it happens. Should a divorce be on the horizon, it is important to follow this advice to put yourself in a stronger financial position and shield your relationship with loved ones.
Do gather important financial documents
Collect all of your financial records and deliver copies to your parents or a trusted friend. Also consider keeping them in a safety deposit box that your spouse can’t access. Having all of your records handy will save you time and money as you won’t have to reprint financial documents that your spouse may later try to hide.
Do open a new checking and savings account
It is important to open a new checking and savings account at a bank that is separate from all other joint accounts. Be sure to keep enough money in your new checking account to pay for two months of living expenses and put the rest in an interest-bearing savings account. During your divorce, you will likely need quick access to money to pay a bill or make a down payment, so it is vital not to lock-up your money.